4/5/2000Sometimes too much goes on.
Inside my body, too much going on.
Going crazy because of the noise,
Always somebody screaming at me
Telling me don't be such a baby
Don't go cryin' now. Shut up now.
Don't be silly, ain't nothing wrong
Go long now and do like you're 'sposed.
Nobody wants to hear your whining,
Crying, mewling and whimpering,
Give you something real to cry about
Never mount to nothin' much nowhow
Run along now. Go out side you.
Blow the stink off ya. Be good for ya.
Let the neighbors see that face, ugly
Wind change and your face freeze
Look ugly like that all the rest of life.
You try to think like that, do work
Make money, pay your bills, be friendly.
End up like me, mumbling, pissing people off,
Making them think you're crazy like a coot,
Shoot, its just I can't figure things out
With all that shouting how I'm too skinny,
Knees too knobby, can't talk right, stooped,
Walk funny, look like a cartoon character
They call me Bag of Bones, tell lies
Tell people the gypsies left me
Not really part of their family, an orphan.
Not good looking like their other kids.
Too sensitive they say. Always wanting.
Always needing someone to pat my back,
They tell me. Need flattery and praise.
Some days, they say, look at you funny
And you cloud up and cry, no reason.
Just ask you to do a simple thing
And you break down and start weeping.
Keep yourself off in your room all day.
I try so hard to not listen, just ignore them
And go on about my life, enjoy living.
I keep a fan on beside my bed at night,
It makes a whine, nice and not too high.
The noise balances out the whistle I hear
The ever present singing in my ears.
It also makes it easy to read a book
Or look at a movie on the tevee.
Because I get distracted for a while, you see.
Just the words, the action and me.
When I work, if no one asks me things,
I sing, and hum and get things done
And I don't hear anyone calling me dumb.
If nobody comes around to laugh at me
Or ask me hurried questions about things,
No phone rings, making demands
Its' grand and the day moves along fine
And I'm so grateful I nearly cry.
There are some moments in time,
When I am gifted with harmony.
The ringing in my ears, and the fear
Caused by the voices, goes away
And a music begins to play in me
Somewhere deep inside my soul.
Words come out and they are bigger
Finer than any of the hatred I knew
The stupidity and bigotry I was taught
Melt and weaken, drop to nothing
And are not seen or heard, just the words
The lilt and sway and cadence of them
The rhythm, like a secret anthem,
Takes control of what I am and I change
I become a stranger to that poor soul
That wretch crying; instead I am flying,
Lofted by the force that words can make
And they take me out of this place
Into a serenity that lives inside of me.